Monday, September 20, 2004

When Febrezes Attack

Febreze air fresheners So Febreze has air fresheners now. I saw them the other day in Duane Reade and picked up the floral one. It's nice. Smells just like the floral Febreze, but stronger. It's a nice scent - very hyacinthy - I just wish it lasted longer. But that's no big whoop, cux it's pleasant. I was just looking at the Febreze site also, and it turns out there are more scents for the air freshener than there are for the odor eliminator; in the air freshener line they have scents for citrus and for summer fruits; there are no corresponding scents for the odor eliminators.

Also on the Febreze site, I saw that they're the company doing these ScentStories things. I'd heard a li'l bit about these things before, but haven't seen them yet. Apparently it's something that plays a CD of odors instead of music, giving you 30 minutes of scent and then moving on to the next scent. I guess it's similar to that aroma thing that came out in the early 80s (can anyone remember the name?) that played scent disks and was, unfortunately, a colossal failure. It's a shame, too, cux I never got to try it out, as I was just a tot and couldn't afford it. I'm sure fragrance technology has advanced quite a bit since then, though. Still, I don't have really high hopes for this Febreze thing. I can't imaging that the scents are going to be terribly good or interesting. Like the disc 'exploring a mountain trail'--are any of the scents really giong to smell like a mountain trail--earthy, dry, woody, firlike notes in the air? Or are they going to smell like 'mountain-inspired' air freshener type scents? And this one called 'wandering barefoot on the shore'--how do you recreate the smells of 'walking in the sand' or 'splashing in the waves'?? Is it going to smell salty, with hints of fish and urinous notes, like the ocean often smells? Or the tones of rotting seashells that are vaguely present? Or will the whole thing just be that icky, 'fresh' aldehydic stuff that perfume companies claim are 'marine' scents? 'Strolling through the garden' sounds nice, cux the odors are clearly deliniated: peachy freesia, lilac, honeysuckle, rose... Unfortunately the rose is bound to smell disgusting, as most synthetic rose smells do. And also, I wonder if there will be the earthy, soil-like undertone or a fertilizer note. 'Shades of vanilla' sounds just stupid. And where is the autumn story?! It could have 'chapters' like caramel apples, pumpkin pie, leaves blowing in the wind, sitting by the fire and taking a hayride. That would be nice, but of course it would surely smell like shizzle. I'd like to see one that really reproduces natural odors well, like woody odors, complex earthy accords, leafy notes, etc. I wonder if they'll come out with a Christmas one: It could include: 'putting up the tree' with your basic xmas tree accord; 'making the wassail' with notes of orange, cinnamon and mulled wine, 'christmas cookies' with the familiar smell of sugar cookies, buttercream and hints of ginger and cinnamon, 'christmas dinner' with smells of turkey, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie' and 'sitting by the fire' with firewood notes. (I'm all about the firewood smell.)

At any rate, I'm definitely going to try this thing out, provided it's not insanely expensive. I'd like to see a higer-end fragrance company start doing it. Interestingly, aromaplayer thing is an idea that I used to fantasize about since college, but I never thought that anyone except scent-lovers like me would want to buy something like it. Furthermore, when I would fantasize about it, I envisioned something a bit more complex--my metaphor was more of a symphony than a story. And I envisioned something that would weave odors in and out of each other more often than 30 minutes, something that built from one odor and traveled through several more before climaxing and fading out, of course around a particular theme (with autumn, obviously, being my preferred theme). I think I also envisioned lights and perhaps music coordinating it, but for the most part it was the odor symphony. How interesting that something like this is coming out now. (How disappointing that it's coming out from a company like Febreze--not exactly world-renowned for their mind-blowing scents.) I guess I'd like to see Yankee Candle do something like this, or those French candle people who make that Feu de Bois one I like. Or Votivo. Or even a fragrance shop. Cartier makes spectacular fragrances--it would be great if they did something like this. Or Ralph Lauren, whose home-fragrance line I adored beyond measure way, way back in the day (I think around 10 years ago) when it was out. He had this stuff out once with notes of leather and hay and a horse stable, maybe even horse shit--it really worked, though, and smelled better than all the other home fragrances. (Interestingly, the horse-shit note probably made it smell even more high-class--walk along 5th avenue on museum mile. That's some of the most expensive real estate in the world, and yet most of it smells like horse shit, cux of those horse-drawn buggies that are always going through Central Park, which borders it.) I would really like to see that come back, but like too many really good fragrances, it failed miserably. On the other hand, maybe Erox could make something like the aromadisc, spicing it with human pheromones. They did such a good job on Realm for Women, I can't imagine they wouldn't do it well. Lastly, Demeter would be an instant choice to produce the aromadisc, cux they have/had so many interesting fragrances, which were nearly impossible to wear cux of the lack of fixatives in them. But fixing the fragrance in an aromadisc wouldn't really be an issue. Again lastly, I would buy a Christmas aromadisc from Crabtree & Evelyn, but only a Christmas one, as their other fragrances are really too cloying.

And that's my beep for today.

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